I was finally 18! An adult, graduated, moving to Kansas City...I felt on top of the world! I didn't know that this would be my most emotional birthday yet.
The day started off pretty normally. I spent some time with my at-the-time boyfriend Carl, watching the new Alice in Wonderland movie. Then I went off to the gym to work out with my best friend Arielle, followed by a nice birthday lunch at Red Robin. Nothing too special. I came home to a pile of birthday cards that had come in that day's mail, and of course my favorite of all, a box from Alisha. I wanted to save that one until last, but I quickly opened and read all the other greetings before taking her package down to my room.
Plopping down on my bed, I opened the box, read her beautifully penned birthday card (I defiantly did not get her good handwriting!) and unwrapped the thin, square shaped gift. It was a journal.
The journal started December 13th 1991, a week after Alisha found out she was pregnant, and went until September 1993, when I was a little over a year old. I had heard bits and pieces of my "back-round" story, but this is something I had never dreamed of holding in my hands. The whole story, with Alisha's emotions woven into it.
Alisha was 16 when she got pregnant with me. Her father, Paul, took it hard when he found out. She later told me she thought he saw it as a reflection on his parenting. He scheduled an abortion for December 17th.
3 days.
I, who I was as a fetus, had 3 days to live.
When I sit back and look at what that really meant, I thank God for saving my life. I was 3 days away from not being born. 3 days away from not living my life that I now love so much. 3 days away from not being who I have been created to be. Millions of unborn babies have not been as blessed as I have. This is why my heart is for the ones who have been silenced...because I was almost one of them, and I believe with all my heart, that each child, no matter the circumstances of their conception, has the same right to life as I was given.
Alisha apparently felt the same way. She expressed in her journal the disagreement with her father's decision and said she would run away if it meant protecting her baby. Well, I don't know what changed Paul's heart, but sometime before the 17th, he gave her the choice. Abortion, or adoption. Alisha gladly accepted the latter, saying "I was so happy that I didn't have to kill the baby, so I agreed. It deserved a loving family".
The journal went on showing me the emotional ups and downs Alisha had during her pregnancy . From her entertaining thoughts and ideas of how she really could raise me if she worked hard enough, to her realizing that I deserved much more than a one-room apartment and nothing but a hug on Christmas morning, to her hoping and praying that I wouldn't resent her for this choice she had made.
By this time, it was getting hard for me to finish reading, because my eyes were so blurry with tears.
The rest of the journal consisted of more stories and emotional struggles, including Steve moving in with his new girlfriend about a month before I was born, Alisha receiving a 4.0 in her junior year studies, and how the baby, me, had hiccups the day before she was induced on the 28th of July. (Which I love, because my friends have always told me I have the most unique sounding hiccups!)
Then I was born.
Alisha named me Carley Ann. Steve (my birth-father) did come to visit me, but did not want to hold me. Paul did not come to the hospital at all. Alisha's mother, who had been supporting her the entire pregnancy, was there, and took many pictures.
October 20th, 1992 my adoption was finalized. The reason why it took so long was because Steve had left, nobody knew where he was, and also, Alisha kept changing her mind. She even bought a car seat and diaper bag for me.
There was one day when she was arguing with her parents, trying to convince them that she could do what it took to raise me, but finally Kathy said something to her that stopped her in her tracks. "Alisha, what if this baby girl has an amazing talent for playing the piano, but you as a single parent, cannot provide piano lessons for her?" Alisha took a walk and spent some time with God, asking Him about it, and came to the conclusion that her parents were right. Imagine Alisha's face 12 years later when she received from me, a CD of various piano selections that I had recorded for a piano lesson project. God always knows what He is doing.
The journal ended with an entry in September 1993 where Alisha shared that she had gotten a tattoo on her hip of a rose with the name Carley Ann on it (although my parents had obviously changed my name to Katherine Diane by this time).
I closed the journal, my mind racing. I knew that from that day on, my life had been changed. A new door had been opened and there was no way of closing it. This, what was written in the journal, was how I came to be, how my life began. This was the story God gave to me. What was I going to do with it? I had no idea.
But to start, I knew that now, I was ready to make the next step; meeting the woman who had chosen life, and brought me into this world.
Plopping down on my bed, I opened the box, read her beautifully penned birthday card (I defiantly did not get her good handwriting!) and unwrapped the thin, square shaped gift. It was a journal.
The journal started December 13th 1991, a week after Alisha found out she was pregnant, and went until September 1993, when I was a little over a year old. I had heard bits and pieces of my "back-round" story, but this is something I had never dreamed of holding in my hands. The whole story, with Alisha's emotions woven into it.
Alisha was 16 when she got pregnant with me. Her father, Paul, took it hard when he found out. She later told me she thought he saw it as a reflection on his parenting. He scheduled an abortion for December 17th.
3 days.
I, who I was as a fetus, had 3 days to live.
When I sit back and look at what that really meant, I thank God for saving my life. I was 3 days away from not being born. 3 days away from not living my life that I now love so much. 3 days away from not being who I have been created to be. Millions of unborn babies have not been as blessed as I have. This is why my heart is for the ones who have been silenced...because I was almost one of them, and I believe with all my heart, that each child, no matter the circumstances of their conception, has the same right to life as I was given.
Alisha apparently felt the same way. She expressed in her journal the disagreement with her father's decision and said she would run away if it meant protecting her baby. Well, I don't know what changed Paul's heart, but sometime before the 17th, he gave her the choice. Abortion, or adoption. Alisha gladly accepted the latter, saying "I was so happy that I didn't have to kill the baby, so I agreed. It deserved a loving family".
The journal went on showing me the emotional ups and downs Alisha had during her pregnancy . From her entertaining thoughts and ideas of how she really could raise me if she worked hard enough, to her realizing that I deserved much more than a one-room apartment and nothing but a hug on Christmas morning, to her hoping and praying that I wouldn't resent her for this choice she had made.
By this time, it was getting hard for me to finish reading, because my eyes were so blurry with tears.
The rest of the journal consisted of more stories and emotional struggles, including Steve moving in with his new girlfriend about a month before I was born, Alisha receiving a 4.0 in her junior year studies, and how the baby, me, had hiccups the day before she was induced on the 28th of July. (Which I love, because my friends have always told me I have the most unique sounding hiccups!)
Then I was born.
Alisha named me Carley Ann. Steve (my birth-father) did come to visit me, but did not want to hold me. Paul did not come to the hospital at all. Alisha's mother, who had been supporting her the entire pregnancy, was there, and took many pictures.
October 20th, 1992 my adoption was finalized. The reason why it took so long was because Steve had left, nobody knew where he was, and also, Alisha kept changing her mind. She even bought a car seat and diaper bag for me.
There was one day when she was arguing with her parents, trying to convince them that she could do what it took to raise me, but finally Kathy said something to her that stopped her in her tracks. "Alisha, what if this baby girl has an amazing talent for playing the piano, but you as a single parent, cannot provide piano lessons for her?" Alisha took a walk and spent some time with God, asking Him about it, and came to the conclusion that her parents were right. Imagine Alisha's face 12 years later when she received from me, a CD of various piano selections that I had recorded for a piano lesson project. God always knows what He is doing.
The journal ended with an entry in September 1993 where Alisha shared that she had gotten a tattoo on her hip of a rose with the name Carley Ann on it (although my parents had obviously changed my name to Katherine Diane by this time).
I closed the journal, my mind racing. I knew that from that day on, my life had been changed. A new door had been opened and there was no way of closing it. This, what was written in the journal, was how I came to be, how my life began. This was the story God gave to me. What was I going to do with it? I had no idea.
But to start, I knew that now, I was ready to make the next step; meeting the woman who had chosen life, and brought me into this world.
Me, Katherine Diane, July 28th 1992
KD, I am super glad you're writing this. I find it fascinating and soul touching. Great writing!
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